as a human being i have an unrelenting desire to share a bond
to have some kind of relationship with another person
and no matter how many of these relationships i have
or how many truly significant ones i have
it is never enough
i want the whole world to share themselves with me
and i want to share myself with them
and in the past i have had these kind of relationships
some incredibly powerful
so why can't i just appreciate that
people have had strong impacts on me
and surely i've had the same on others
but its so hard to just accept that the bond just doesn't hold like it once did
or maybe it doesn't even exist anymore
no matter how hard i try to accept this
it's always in the back of my mind
and when i sleep and i can't restrain my thoughts
these people appear
and for awhile i am overwhelmed with happiness
then i wake up and realize it wasn't real
and it's the most crippling feeling
and may be the only strong emotion i ever feel anymore
and the horrible part is
that it happens every fucking night
but i guess it compensates for the lack of emotional stimulus in my life now
my strongest bond i have is with my dog
and seeing it in text is kinda depressing
but really i don't think any human relationship
has ever compared to my dog
as odd as that is
but i guess i have asked for this
i think i've lost the ability to love a person
in a romantic way at least
i've become so okay with myself
that i kinda shut the idea of another out
and thats okay
kinda
Genius as always. Your writing style is very developed and worth admiring and being jealous of.
ReplyDeleteAs for the content: I think maybe if you just dont think about the lack of humans in your life it wont bother you so much. I think if I thought about it really hard I could feel the same way. But when I miss past times and relationships I just text the person, then I'm reminded of why I lost interest in the first place haha Most of the time I just romanticize a perfect friendship and then i'm reminded that its not gonna happen. Thats when Im satisfied with life :)